In recent years, there’s been a rise in individuals with rightfully strong opinions on pizza, referred to as “pizza snobs.” These connoisseurs consider themselves experts in the art of pizza making and can distinguish between different styles, regions, and ingredients, without missing a beat.
While some appreciate their passion for quality pizza, others often find them pretentious or annoying. Hey, we’re not here to judge. We’ve become just as snobby and find ourselves saying these exact statements all the time. Sorry not sorry.
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No shame whatsoever! As we get better at making delicious pizza at home, we naturally order less from the big well-known chains and naturally gravitate to our desired flours, tomatoes, cheeses, and toppings.
From discussing the perfect crust type to heated debates on which toppings truly belong on a pizza, these enthusiasts like us don’t shy away from expressing their strong beliefs. They seek out the best pizza locales in their areas and promptly dismiss establishments that don’t meet their high standards, often with razor-sharp wit.
However, pizza snobs are not simply pesky food critics. They have fostered a community that admires the culinary history of pizza and its evolution in various local cultures. With a taste for humor and insightful debate, they’re crafting a new, amusing discourse around the pizza industry.
There’s even a pizza-lovers Facebook group to join aptly titled Pizza Snobs with over 179K members and growing every day. Tell them we sent you and they might let you in. But probably not.
27 Things Only A True Pizza Snob Would Say
“Real pizza only comes from Italy / New York / Connecticut / Etc.”
Pizza snobs are convinced that the best pizza in the world comes from Italy, and anything else is just a cheap imitation. They believe that the secret to great pizza lies in the quality of the ingredients, and that Italian tomatoes, mozzarella, and flour are simply unmatched. To them, pizza is an art form that can only be perfected in the birthplace of pizza itself.
Beyond that, some pizza purists think New York has the best pizza. Or Connecticut. I don’t think these people understand what “purist” means. And with how big our world is, we’d hate to limit ourselves to one pizza type. Maybe we’re not as snob-ish as we thought.
“If it’s not cooked in a wood-fired oven, it’s not real pizza.”
The pizza snob’s obsession with authenticity doesn’t stop at the ingredients – it extends to the cooking method as well. They believe that pizza should only be cooked in a wood-fired oven, because it produces the perfect crust, with just the right amount of char. To them, anything less is sacrilege.
“Hand-tossed crust is the only way to go.”
Pizza snobs are convinced that hand-tossed crust is the only acceptable way to make pizza. They believe that a thinner crust allows the toppings and sauce to shine, and that anything thicker is just a distraction. To them, a thick crust is a sign of a lazy or inexperienced pizza maker who doesn’t know how to stretch their dough.
“Deep dish pizza is an abomination.”
For the pizza snob, deep dish pizza is the ultimate insult to the art of pizza-making. This is one of our favorites to hear! Some peeps truly believe that it’s nothing more than a glorified casserole, pie, or lasagna, and that the crust is way too thick and doughy. To them, deep dish pizza is a literal bastardization of the true pizza form.
Online forums are often ragging on Chicago style deep dish with tons of pizza memes and jokes making fun of the style. And Jon Stewart, King Pizza Snobs everywhere, famously eviscerated it with his classic rant on The Daily Show:
“Pizza toppings should be simple and traditional.”
Pizza snobs are purists at heart, and they believe that pizza toppings should be simple and traditional. They scoff at the idea of putting pineapple, barbecue chicken, or other non-traditional toppings on pizza. To them, a pizza with too many toppings is like a painting with too many colors – it’s just too busy.
“No pineapple on pizza, ever.”
The pizza snob’s hatred of non-traditional toppings is perhaps best exemplified by their disdain for pineapple on pizza. They believe that fruit has no place on a pizza, and that anyone who orders a Hawaiian pizza is committing a culinary sin. To them, pineapple on pizza is the ultimate betrayal of the pizza’s Italian roots.
We’ve written extensively about the pineapple on pizza debate and recently about multiple other ways to include fruit on pizza. We are choosing not to mention salad on pizza for this post. You’re welcome.
“Frozen pizza is an insult.”
To the pizza snob, frozen pizza is an abhorrence. They believe that pizza should be made fresh, with high-quality ingredients, and that anything less is a disgrace to the art of pizza-making. To them, frozen pizza is nothing more than a cheap imitation of the real thing, and they wouldn’t dream of eating it. What about in a pinch, though?
“If you need to fold your pizza, it’s not good pizza.”
Also heavily debated, pizza snobs believe that a truly great pizza should be able to stand on its own, without the need for folding or rolling. They believe that folding a pizza is a sign of a weak crust, and that it’s a cop-out for pizza makers who can’t get the crust just right. To them, a pizza that needs to be folded is simply not worth eating.
“I only eat pizza with fresh, high-quality ingredients.”
For the pizza snob, the quality of the ingredients is everything. They believe that a great pizza can only be made with fresh, high-quality ingredients, and that anything less is a waste of time. To them, there’s no excuse for using canned tomatoes, pre-shredded cheese, or other shortcuts – if you’re going to make pizza, you might as well do it right.
“The sauce is the most important part of the pizza.”
Pizza snobs believe that the sauce is the most important part of the pizza. They believe that a great sauce should be simple, with just the right balance of sweetness and acidity. To them, a great sauce can make or break a pizza, and they’ll judge a pizzeria based on the quality of their sauce.
“A good margherita pizza is the ultimate test of a pizzeria.”
For the pizza snob, a good margherita pizza is the ultimate test of a pizzeria. They believe that a great margherita pizza should be perfection, with just tomato sauce, mozzarella, and basil. To them, a pizzeria that can’t get the margherita pizza right is simply not worth visiting.
We base all our pizzeria reviews on their pepperoni pizza.
“I can tell the quality of a pizza just by looking at it.”
Pizza snobs believe that they can tell the quality of a pizza just by looking at it. They believe that a great pizza should have a perfectly cooked crust, with just the right amount of char and a generous layer of the best topping combinations. To them, a pizza that looks sloppy or uneven is a sign of a lazy or inexperienced pizza maker. Probably not a real pizzaiolo.
“If the cheese isn’t melted properly, it’s not worth eating.”
Pizza snobs are sticklers for detail, and they believe that the cheese on a pizza should be melted to perfection. They believe that a great pizza should have a layer of melted cheese that’s gooey, stretchy, and just the right amount of browned. To them, a pizza with unmelted cheese is unheard of. Even sprinkled parmesan after cooking, should automatically melt in the heat.
“I prefer my pizza with a leopard crust.”
For the educated pizza snob, a great pizza should have a leopard crust with black spots on the outside and is chewy on the inside. They believe that this special-looking crust is a sign of a well-made pizza, and that it’s the perfect complement to the gooey cheese and savory toppings. To them, a pizza with a soggy or undercooked crust is simply not worth eating.
“If you need to add extra toppings, the pizza isn’t good enough on its own.”
Pizza snobs believe that a great pizza should be able to stand on its own, without the need for extra toppings. They believe that if a pizza needs extra toppings to be tasty, then it’s simply not good enough on its own. To them, a pizza with too many toppings is a sign of a pizza maker who’s trying too hard to compensate for a subpar pizza. Do crushed red pepper flakes count?
Disagree with this one as we love experimenting with unusual toppings or even strange pizza toppings, though. We always try to keep in mind not to overpower the base.
“I only make pizza with real low-moisture mozzarella cheese.”
For the pizza snob, real low-moisture mozzarella cheese is the only acceptable cheese for pizza. They believe that other cheeses, like cheddar or processed cheese, are simply not good enough for a true pizza lover. To them, a pizza with anything other than real mozzarella is a sign of a pizzaiolo who doesn’t take the craft seriously. Would they take it a step further and make their own mozzarella at home?
“The best pizza is made with San Marzano tomatoes.”
Pizza snobs believe that the best pizza is made with San Marzano tomatoes, a variety of tomato that’s grown in the volcanic soil of Mount Vesuvius. They believe that San Marzano tomatoes have a uniquely sweet and tangy flavor that’s perfect for pizza sauce. To them, a pizzeria that uses anything other than San Marzano tomatoes is simply not worth visiting. Always look for that official D.O.P. label, folks!
“I won’t eat pizza that’s been sitting out for more than 30 minutes.”
Pizza snobs believe that a great pizza should be served fresh and hot, straight out of the oven, or at least kept warm enough on the table. They believe that a pizza that’s been sitting out for more than 30 minutes is simply not worth eating, because the crust will be soggy and the toppings will be cold. To them, a great pizza is a fleeting moment that must be enjoyed in the moment. Gone are the days of college dorms eating leftover pizza the next morning?
“Pizza is an art form, and not everyone can appreciate it.”
For the pizza snob, pizza is not just a food – it’s an art form. Just like high-end museum art, they believe that making a great pizza requires skill, passion, and attention to detail, and that not everyone can appreciate the nuances of a truly great pizza. To them, a great pizza is a work of art that deserves to be celebrated and enjoyed by those who truly understand it. It’s a luxury only a few can afford. Dollar convenience store pizza is for the peasants!
“I only eat pizza that’s made by a certified pizzaiolo.”
Pizza snobs believe that making a great pizza requires special training and expertise, and that only a certified pizzaiolo can truly master the craft. They believe that a certified pizzaiolo has the knowledge and skill to make a truly great pizza, and that anything less is simply not worth eating. To them, a great pizza is a rare and precious thing that can only be made by a true master of the craft.
“I don’t trust pizza chains.”
This is a big one. Pizza snobs are suspicious of pizza chains, which they believe are more concerned with profit than with making a great pizza. They believe that pizza chains cut corners on ingredients, cooking methods, and quality control, and that they’re more interested in selling cheap, mass-produced pizza than in making a truly great pizza. To them, a great pizza can only be found at a small, independent pizzeria. But after closing time, dare we admit, we’ve been known to stop at a chain every once in a while.
“If the pizza isn’t made fresh to order, it’s not worth eating.”
For the pizza snob, a great pizza must be made fresh to order, with each ingredient carefully selected and prepared. They believe that a pizza that’s been pre-made or reheated like take-n-bake is simply not worth eating, because it lacks the freshness and quality that are essential to a great pizza. To them, a great pizza is a labor of love that can only be made with care and unmatched attention to detail.
“I won’t eat pizza that’s been reheated in the microwave.”
Pizza snobs believe that reheating pizza in the microwave is a cardinal sin. They believe that the microwave destroys the texture and flavor of the pizza, and that it’s a lazy and disrespectful way to treat a great pizza. To them, a great pizza deserves to be reheated in an oven with care. And hopefully the pizza has been stored properly.
“I judge a pizza by its shape.”
A pizza snob would definitely have strong opinions about the shape of a pizza. They would argue that a great pizza should be round, not square or rectangle. They believe that a round pizza is the traditional shape and that it’s the best way to ensure that the crust is evenly cooked and that the toppings are distributed evenly.
They would argue that a square or rectangle pizza is a sign of a pizza maker who doesn’t take tradition seriously, and that it’s an abomination. To them, a great pizza deserves to be treated with respect and care, and that means shaping it into a perfect circle. They would judge a pizzeria based on the shape of their pizza and would only eat pizza that meets their high standards. Nobody tell them about Detroit style or Wrecktangle Pizza.
“My pepperoni better form little cups.”
A pizza snob would definitely have strong opinions about pepperoni cups. They would argue that a great pepperoni cup should have a slightly crispy edge that forms a small lip around the edges of the cup, which holds in the delicious juices and oils that make pepperoni so irresistible.
They would also argue that the pepperoni should be of the highest quality, with just the right amount of spice and flavor to complement the other ingredients on the pizza. To them, a great pepperoni cup is a sign of a well-made pizza that’s been cooked with care and attention to detail. They would judge a pizzeria based on the quality of their pepperoni cups, and would only eat pizza that meets their high standards.
“If the pizza isn’t cooked at a high enough temperature, it’s not worth eating.”
For the pizza snob, a great pizza must be cooked at a high enough temperature to produce a crispy crust and perfectly melted cheese. They believe that a pizza that’s been cooked at low temperatures is simply not worth eating, because it lacks the texture and flavor that are essential to a great pizza. To them, a great pizza must be cooked with care and attention to detail, at just the right temperature.
“I won’t eat pizza that’s been cut into squares.”
Pizza snobs believe that a great pizza should be cut into traditional slices, not squares. They believe that cutting a pizza into squares is a sign of a pizza maker who accommodates children, and that it’s taking the easy way out. To them, a great pizza deserves to be treated with respect and care, and that means cutting it into traditional triangle slices. Don’t tell them about Chicago tavern style or Minnesota style or St. Louis style pizzas.
The Makings of a Pizza Snob
Let’s face it, pizza snobs are everywhere. They poke their noses into pizzerias, they argue with friends over toppings, and they’re likely to have a few controversial opinions about sauce. So, what exactly creates a pizza snob? Let’s dive into the world of these pie connoisseurs and examine some key elements that contribute to their pizza expertise.
Discerning Cheese Choices
A pizza snob knows that not all cheese is created equal. They scoff at the mere mention of pre-shredded, bagged cheese and wouldn’t dream of allowing processed faux-cheese anywhere near their pie. Instead, pizza snobs opt for:
- Mozzarella di Bufala: A creamy, rich cheese made from the milk of water buffalo.
- Fior di Latte: A high-quality mozzarella made from cow’s milk, known for its smooth texture.
- Provolone: A sharp, aged cheese that adds a savory punch to any pizza.
These cheese selections are just the tip of the iceberg for the discerning pizza snob. They understand that the harmony of flavors between cheese and other ingredients can make or break a pizza.
Dough Know-How
The dough is the foundation of any pizza, and pizza snobs are all too aware of its importance. They can differentiate between dough that’s been freshly made in-house versus dough purchased frozen from a supplier. Furthermore, pizza snobs understand the nuances of various dough techniques:
- Neapolitan: A thin, soft, and chewy crust with charred spots from a blazing hot oven.
- New York-style: A slightly thicker crust, foldable and often adorned with generous amounts of toppings.
- Sicilian: A thick, rectangular crust with a crispy exterior and a fluffy, tender interior.
While most people may not know the distinction, pizza snobs revel in their dough knowledge and can likely recommend the perfect crust for your topping preferences.
Sauce and Toppings Preferences
The sauce and toppings might seem like a minor detail to some, but not to the pizza snob. They understand that every component contributes to the ultimate pizza experience. From the tang of San Marzano tomatoes to the sweetness of locally-made sauce, pizza snobs demand the utmost quality in every ingredient. Top toppings for pizza snobs include:
- Prosciutto: A thinly-sliced, dry-cured Italian ham that adds saltiness and depth of flavor.
- Arugula: A bold, peppery green that offsets the richness of cheese and other toppings.
- Kalamata olives: A briny, punchy addition that elevates the pizza’s overall flavor profile.
As you can see, the pizza snob carefully curates each topping to ensure maximum deliciousness in every bite. Undoubtedly, pizza snobs possess a wealth of knowledge that extends far beyond your average pie enthusiast. Whether you agree or disagree with their steadfast opinions, one thing is for sure—pizza snobs take their pursuit of the perfect pie very seriously.
Now, can someone pass the red pepper flakes, please?
Championing Key Pizza Snob Elements
Pizzaiolo Presence
Every pizza snob knows the importance of a pizzaiolo’s presence. Watching them toss-sling-spin the dough high into the air exemplifies the perfect balance of art and science. It’s a testimony to their expertise and experience, honed through years of dough gymnastics. In more serious circles, it’s rumored that the authenticity of a pizzeria is directly proportional to the pizzaiolo’s flour dusted apron.
Char Obsession
Let’s face it, no self-respecting pizza snob would settle for a mundane, uniformly cooked crust. That’s just sacrilege! Char is the ultimate expression of a pizza’s character and personality. More than just pleasing to the taste buds, those flecks of carbonized joy are visible proof of the marriage between fire and dough, a symbol of culinary divinity achieved within a blistering pizza oven.
Margherita Mastery
Ah, the Margherita – the ultimate litmus test for any true pizza snob. The simple trifecta of tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil is so much more than just ingredients on dough; it’s a celestial symphony of flavors, with each note harmoniously complementing the next. Witnessing a perfectly executed Margherita pizza is akin to gazing upon the very heart of the universe – and a slight misstep in quality or proportion is as jarring as a sour note in an otherwise sublime symphony.
Fior di Latte Finesse
Let’s talk cheese. Not just any cheese, but the holy grail of pizza snobbery: fior di latte. Derived from the milk of happy cows frolicking in the sun (or so we’d like to imagine), this moist, creamy delight is at the heart of pizza gastronomy. Its delicate flavor and melt-in-your-mouth texture elevate the pizza experience to new realms of deliciousness. In the eyes of the pizza snob, fior di latte is the single definitive factor that distinguishes divine pizza from mere mortal creations.
Pizza Snobs’ Role in the Community
Pizza snobs play a unique and peculiar role in the community. Known for their discerning taste buds and uncompromising standards, these “experts” can be found scrutinizing every slice of pizza in town. Some might wonder, what purpose do they serve? Well, let’s explore that further.
Loyal Patrons: Despite their picky preferences, pizza snobs often bestow their loyalty upon pizzerias that meet their lofty expectations. In doing so, they inadvertently support local businesses and contribute to a thriving food scene in the community.
Joint Events: Pizza snobs are natural connectors. When they find a slice that meets their standards, they want to share it with the world. This enthusiasm might lead to pizza tasting events or even pizza-making workshops that bring community members together in the name of a shared love for all things cheesy and delicious.
Raising Standards: A town with a healthy population of pizza snobs is a town where pizzerias are held to the highest standard. These crust connoisseurs raise the bar for quality and force local establishments to aim for perfection in every bite.
Comic Relief: With their quirky habits and unwavering dedication to the art of pizza, pizza snobs can be unintentionally hilarious. Their entertaining antics provide a light-hearted element in an otherwise mundane world of order-and-go fast food.
So, while some may see pizza snobs as merely persnickety eaters, their role in the community goes well beyond demanding the perfect slice. These passionate food critics contribute to a dynamic communal atmosphere, encourage culinary excellence, and bring people together in the name of pizza harmony.
How About Actually Finding the Best Pizza?
One can often see pizza snobs with their noses in the air, as they revel in their unadulterated passion for finding the best pizza in town. Armed with a discriminating palate and perhaps a magnifying glass (for those speedy dough inspections), these pizza devotees set out on a scrumptious journey filled with tomato sauce, melted mozzarella, and a sprinkling of those all-important spices.
To the pizza snob, it’s not merely about consuming pizza. The quest is about savoring every single element of their meal, from the crispy crust to the decadent toppings. Always on the lookout for that euphoric slice, they’d never be caught dead with frozen pizza (remember, these pies must be perfect).
But what makes a slice ‘the best’? For some, it’s the hand-tossed dough, delicately thin and cooked to perfection. A thin crust allows full appreciation of the pizza’s topping nirvana, ensuring that their taste buds don’t miss a single morsel. Others lean toward a deep dish, embracing the comforting hug of doughy goodness that keeps all those sumptuous ingredients safely nestled within.
Consider, too, the pizza snob’s penchant for toppings galore. A quality slice often has a variety of fresh, lip-smacking toppings and a sublime balance of flavors. Whether they’re a traditionalist, opting for the classic Margherita with its simplicity and elegance, or an extreme pizza aficionado, curating a saloon of creative and exotic ingredients, a true pizza snob knows the value of balance in their ingredients.
Rest assured, no detail goes unnoticed by these pizza enthusiasts. Be it the attentive selection of scrumptious sauces, the proofing of pizza dough (for that perfect rise), or the delicate dance of temperature and timing in the oven – the pizza snob considers it all in their pursuit of the almighty slice.
Thus, with bellies full and tastebuds tickled, pizza snobs continue their tireless quest for pizza perfection. Because for them, the search for the best pizza transcends basic sustenance; it’s an epicurean adventure spanning countless establishments, exploring the sumptuous properties of yeast and heat, melding together in the pursuit of the tastiest slice known to humankind.
